


just once

by Infinitree



Category: Kung Fu Panda - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Gen, feat. kai but hes just a ball of qi, the guy is double dead like in the homstucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-27
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2019-01-05 23:45:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12199671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infinitree/pseuds/Infinitree
Summary: One by one, the lights go out.





	just once

**Author's Note:**

> An Oogway fic that _isn't_ Bukesiyi? What the heck!
> 
> This is kind of rambly drabble, but it’s fitting because the featured character is rambling too, kind of? Funny how that works.

The Spirit Realm was always a bright place. Not in the sense of luminance, although it had that in spades, but in the sense of liveliness in the sense that everything there was _alive_. Or rather, was made entirely of _qi_.

Now it would have been a redundancy to say, considering that the physical realm was also made of the stuff, but there was less of a… barrier. Like whatever veil that kept everything separated was lifted. Everything mingled with each other, formed itself up and broke down in an endless dance.

And right now, right here, an end was unfolding.

The remnants of what was once his brother in arms went out was scattered throughout the Realm. Motes flickered in the nonexistent wind until they were snuffed out, his remains carried away to the next life, but not all together.

Oogway sighed-- more a habit than necessity at this point. He was no stranger to death, having lived for so long he played all possible roles: victim, bystander.

A mental pause. _Instigator._

But this was different. Much more _final_. There was no redemption, no reincarnation, no pandas willing to pull him back from the brink of death.

He looked back down to the light in his hands, the final remnant of what was Kai. Unlike a lot of things in the Spirit Realm, it had a tangibility that made it feel heavy in his grasp. It pulsed slowly as a low, keening noise made the surrounding area shudder in time with it.

“Kai?” he ventured, and he was taken aback at how _hesitant_ he sounded. “Are you still there?”

The light continued its monotonic pulses, but for a brief moment it flickered like a candle in the wind.

Good enough for him.

“I had some choice words for you once we met again.” Oogway nodded stiffly. “I suppose now is a good time to express those thoughts before…”

It-- _he?_ \-- continued its ebb and flow of light.

It was strange, being on the other end of… this.

The tortoise could remember the sensations he felt as a jade amulet, but it was dull-- a far off memory where his mind was not quite his, where Kai might as well have been his entire world and would live and die by him.

Oogway was sure that such a thought wasn’t _all_ just the other exerting his will on him. Centuries worth of memories and triumphs and sorrows were pulled out as a result of that ordeal. Scars long closed up and faded had bloomed back into fresh wounds. Now he had to deal with the aftermath.

 _Speaking of_ pulled--

“…Before you stop existing as yourself.”

He traced the curve of the light in lazy swirls, billowing as a clawtip grazed its surface.

“I refuse to apologize.” He let out a small scoff, but it held no ire. Whatever rage he felt back then had petered out long ago, thankfully.

The tortoise shut his eyes tight, bursts of grainy shapes forming on the inside of his eyelids. His palms glowed, and the mote reacted with a higher pitched hum.

He could still remember everything. How the villagers’ eyes were wide with a fear they haven’t-- _couldn’t_ have experienced before. How Kai’s eyes went from a dusky blue to all green that emanated a cold fury that promised to do worse than the ambush decades ago and do it gut-wrenchingly _slow_.

Most importantly, however, was how the yak was caught between his carcass of a body was beginning to stiffen and being kept alive by the _qi_ he siphoned out and _brother just finish the job already and put me out of my misery if you’ve never cared or is this another one of your tactics--_

It hurt, seeing him like that. So much so that he sent him away in a flurry of peach blossoms  _you coward_  to not have his brother-in-arms’ blood on his hands.

In return, Kai had cursed him with such a vitriol that not even the worst of their enemies were subject to such a treatment.

“I do not make a habit of assumption, but I take it you’re of a similar mind.”

The branches above them shivered as they continued it's never ending shedding of peach blossoms. Beyond that, he could feel the tides of _qi_ recovering from recent events, slowly moving out.

Oogway could feel the light dim, how it rose up slightly. He put a glowing palm down on it, setting it back down insistently before realizing what he just did.

_What was the point of all this?_

His hands shudder more than usual. He tried again.

The tortoise’s hand withdrew, but only slightly. His clawtips hovered over the light, refusing to move. Threatened to dig into it and immortalize it in jade, so he wouldn’t cease.

The mote, was oblivious and uncaring to his plight. It dimmed.

“I had so many things to tell you, Kai. The world’s changed so _much_ and yet so little since you were gone,” His beak settled into a deeper, more quavering frown. “I think you would have liked some of them-- cannons seem right up your alley. The old bar we used to frequent still exists somehow.”

Death had taken away his titles, its meanings and weight until all that was left was him. Just Oogway. Just an Island tortoise that somehow landed in China and got caught up in _everything_. If he had to be honest, after centuries of filtering himself in front of crowds of people, the act of talking about his own feelings was both exhilarating and absolutely terrifying.

"And-- and your old town!" he offered. "It's a small city now. Exports blankets, and the good kind, too-- and--"

And right now, he needed to be honest, just for a little bit.

The light was shrinking.

“Perhaps-- perhaps another time.” He craned his head downward, until the top of his head hovered just in front of the light. “Until we meet again. I love you.”

And then Kai was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact: there was an alternate ending to this where Oogway actually does jades Kai's remaining bit of qi so he stays 'alive' but feels terrible forever, but then I remembered that this was Master 'You-Must-Let-Go-Of-The-Illusion-of-Control' Oogway and decided " _hey_ maybe. Maybe that defeats his entire bit of implied character growth".
> 
> The title is an artifact of that, 'just once' being a reference to him making an exception to jading someone but can also be interpreted as the one time he has to spill his proverbial emotions after centuries of bottling it up (with mixed results).


End file.
